


Letters that I never meant to send

by SweetHeaven



Category: Free!
Genre: Body Switch AU, Day 5: Connections, Letters, M/M, RinHaru Week 2018, quite fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 05:49:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17095034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetHeaven/pseuds/SweetHeaven
Summary: Lately, Haru and Rin had been arguing too much for Nagisa's liking, so he made a wish upon a star: he wanted his friends to see things through the other's eyes. Who would have thought that his wish would come true... literally?





	Letters that I never meant to send

**Author's Note:**

> My submission for RH week 2018. I used the Letters prompts, but the story is told from Haru's PoV.

"Really, Haru, you are impossible!" Rin's angry voice reached Makoto from the kitchen.

"They are arguing again," he sighed, leaving the dishes on the table.

"What is it this time?" Rei asked, trying to take a peek at the kitchen.

"Who knows? They always seem to find a reason..." Makoto replied with an even bigger sigh, rubbing his face.

"I don't get it," Nagisa shook his head sadly. "Why are they always surrounded by drama?"

"It's a compatibility thing," Rei pushed his glasses up his nose. "They have different personalities and different approaches to things, so they clash a lot," he explained.

Haru entered the living room wearing a serious expression, followed by Rin, who was gritting his teeth as if he was forcing himself to keep his mouth shut.

They joined their friends at the table without uttering a word.

"Uh, Haru, is that new?" Makoto asked, nodding at Haru's T-shirt, trying to defuse the tension.

"No," Haru replied, clearly puzzled at the apparently random question.

"It's beautiful," Rei chimed in, doing his bit. "Where did you buy it?" he asked, genuinely interested. The T-shirt _was_ beautiful, after all.

"I... don't remember. Maybe in that shop next to the café that sells those daifuku Nagisa loves?" Haru replied, unsure.

"Oh, I know it!" Nagisa chirped, happy to help change the topic.

Whatever tension was in the room disappeared when Nagisa started to describe in detail his favourite sweets and why he loved each of them so much.

The calm only lasted for an hour, though, as once they finished their dinner, a storm broke again.

"I'm going to have a bath," Haru announced after they had washed the dishes and put them away.

"Haru!" Rin exclaimed, "you can't do that! You just had dinner!"

"And?" Haru asked with a sigh.

"It can be bad for your stomach!" Rin said, sounded as aggravated as a grandma who had just heard her beloved grandson swearing for the first time. "You really need to take better care of yourself! You do-"

"Enough!" Haru interrupted him. It was not usual to hear Haru shout, but lately, it seemed that whenever Rin was around, he always ended up losing his cool.

"Fine, do whatever you want!" Rin roared even louder. "I won't be around if you get sick because I'm going home, anyway," he said, grabbing his jacket.

"Haru..." Makoto whispered, not sure of what to say after the ominous sound of Haru's front door slamming was heard.

Haru huffed."You can stay if you want to," he told his friends, still hellbent on taking his bath.

"Nah, it's getting late and it's cold," Nagisa waved his hand. "The more we wait, the worse it will get."

Nagisa, Rei and Makoto left Haru's place. They walked in silence, rubbing their hands to make them warm in the freezing winter night.

"Well," Makoto said when they reached the point where they had to part ways. "It was a nice night, in spite of..." he didn't finish the sentence, yet the others knew what he meant.

Makoto left and Rei and Nagisa headed to the station.

"I honestly don't understand what's going on with Haru-chan and Rin-chan," Nagisa whined. He didn't like to see their friends quarrelling.

"It's difficult for them to put themselves in the other's shoes" Rei reflected.

"Why? It shouldn't be! I mean, they share the same goal, they have a very similar life, it shouldn't be _that_ difficult!" Nagisa reasoned.

"But they are very different and that shows in their way of approaching things. Rin-san is stricter, and Haruka-senpai loves being free and is not as good at following someone else's guidelines. It's difficult for them to see eye to eye," Rei explained.

"I wish there was a way to help them," Nagisa sighed.

Suddenly, he stopped dead on his tracks.

"Look at that!" he shouted grabbing Rei's arm and pointing at the sky.

A bright shooting star was crossing the darkness right that instant.

"It has to be fate," Nagisa murmured, closing his eyes and pressing his hands together.

'I wish that Haru-chan and Rin-chan could see things through the other's eyes if only for a bit,' he requested in his head.

….

Haru woke up with the sound of a phone ringing, but his sleep-fogged mind was too slow to register the fact that he needed to answer it.

He didn't know what time it was, but he supposed it had to be too early since he had the impression he hadn't slept enough.

He had had a bad night, waking up shortly after he had fallen asleep due to an unpleasant feeling in his stomach.

At that moment, he had wondered if perhaps Rin was _right_ after all and having a bath immediately after dinner was bad for his stomach, but he immediately disregarded the idea, mostly because he refused to admit that Rin might have been _right_.

When he had gone back to sleep, his mind had been plagued by nightmares and strange dreams.

Now, the only thing he wanted was curling up under his blanket.

Yet his damn phone started to ring again in the darkness of the room.

Haru sighed and took his hand out of the warm comfort of the bed in an attempt to feel about the nightstand looking for the damn device.

To his surprise, not only was he unable to find the phone, but he couldn't find the nightstand either.

He sat on the bed and looked around, but no light filtered through the blinds yet and he couldn't see a thing.

A soft knock on the door made him jolt.

"Brother," a female voice said at the other side, "answer that or switch off your phone, you're going to wake mum up."

Haru barely heard the sound of light footsteps going away.

What in hell was going on? Why was someone else at his place? Why was she talking about 'mum' and calling him 'brother'?

Before he could even stop to think about it, the phone rang again and this time, fully awake now, he was able to follow the sound and find the device on the floor, next to the bed.

The bright letters of the caller's name seemed to mock him from the screen.

_ Haru. _

How was that even possible?

He checked the number flashing under his name.

His number.

Suddenly realising that he needed to do _something_ , he pressed the Answer button, taking the phone to his ear, his heart drumming at high speed against his chest.

"Hello?" he whispered on the microphone.

"Haru! About time!" his own voice shouted at him." What the fuck is going on?"

"Who- Who's this?" Haru stammered.

"It's me, Rin!" Rin yelled at the other end of the line.

Learning that the caller was Rin soothed Haru instantly in spite of the bizarre situation.

"Rin," he greeted. In Rin's voice.

"Haru, what the hell is going on?" Rin asked again. "I woke up in your fucking room!" he shouted.

Haru found it weird to hear his own voice using such a colourful language.

"What do you mean, in my...?" Haru started to say while he looked around him. His eyes had got used to the dark, and the soft light from the phone allowed him to see the outlines of nearby objects.

That was not his room. The phone he was holding was not his own. The clothes he was wearing were not the same he had put on when he went to bed.

"Haru! Are you listening to me? I woke up in your room and now I just went to your fucking bathroom and I'm almost dying here because when I looked in the mirror I was you!" Rin's yelling was bordering hysteria.

"I'll be there as soon as possible," Haru said, trying to keep his head cool.

"Why is this happening?" Rin's voice sounded so broken.

"I don't know," Haru said softly, hoping that it would calm down his friend. "I'll be there, ok?"

"Ok," Rin sighed.

Haru hanged up, left the phone on the bed and, very slowly, he opened the door and headed to the bathroom.

He hadn't been at Rin's place for a very long time, but at least he remembered where that room was. It would have been so embarrassing to accidentally get in his mum or sister's bedroom.

He entered the bathroom and turned on the light.

He approached the mirror with wobbly steps and downcast eyes, too scared to look at his reflection.

Mustering all his courage, he grabbed the sink edge and looked up.

Red eyes looked back at him from the big mirror.

He stumbled backwards.

_ This couldn't be real. _

He ran out of the bathroom and back to Rin's bedroom. He opened Rin's wardrobe, trying not to think too much about how strange it was to rummage through Rin's things and to pick an outfit from Rin's clothes.

The way to his own house seemed longer than ever, and he spent the whole time lowering his face, afraid of finding Rin's gaze looking back at him if he happened to see his reflection on any surface.

When he got to his home, he was already mentally exhausted.

It felt strange to knock on his own door.

And even though he had been trying to prepare himself for the shocking moment, he wasn't ready to see himself opening the door.

"Haru," Rin greeted him and grabbed his jacket to pull him in as soon as possible.

His eyes, which were really Haru's, were red and swollen.

Knowing that Rin had been letting out his own emotions through Haru's eyes made him feel vulnerable.

"So, what the fuck is going on?" Rin asked, crossing his arms over his chest, a furious glint in his now blue eyes.

Haru didn't like the angry/defensive gesture. It felt as if Rin was scolding him. As if this was his fault.

Considering that lately, it seemed that everything Haru did was wrong in Rin's eyes, he wasn't surprised.

"Why do you ask as if I was the one to blame?" Haru asked, already tired of Rin's attitude even though they had just met.

Rin let his arms drop at his sides and sighed.

"I'm sorry, that was not my intention. But I know I haven't done anything strange, so I thought maybe you..." he lowered his head, ashamed of his reaction.

"It's alright," Haru said trying to sound reassuring. "I haven't done anything out of the ordinary either. I went to sleep normally last night and now..."

"How's this even possible? I mean, I am me, but in your body!" Rin threw his hands in the air, exasperated.

"Calm down," Haru asked, walking towards his bedroom, where his laptop laid somewhere, abandoned along with other technology devices he didn't use much.

He switched it on and sat on the floor, Rin following suit.

'Body switch', he wrote in the search box as soon as the browser homepage appeared on the screen.

All the results talked about movies -comedies, mainly, which made Haru and Rin wonder what was so funny about it.

They were not having a blast exactly.

Some people talked about how they had dreamed they were involved in some sort of body swap with another person -which made Haru and Rin pinch themselves and each other several times in the hope that at some point one of them would discover that it was all a dream.

Other entries talked about how it was impossible that something like body switch existed -which made Haru and Rin sigh and shake their heads.

They spent more than an hour checking the search results, trying to find something that might be at least a bit useful, but it was just a waste of time.

"What are we going to do, Haru?" Rin asked, rubbing his eyes, probably a bit sore after focusing on the bright screen for so long.

"I don't know," Haru replied truthfully. "We don't know why this happened. The only thing I can think of is having a nap and see if we are back to normal when we wake up. After all, this... thing happened when we went to sleep."

Rin just stared at him. "A nap? Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, a pretty Rin-ish gesture that looked odd in Haru's face.

"Well, if you have a better idea, by all means, let me know, please," Haru replied, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Rin didn't say anything for several seconds and in the end, he just turned away.

"Ok, ok, let's have that nap," he grumbled, sitting on Haru's bed.

"What are you doing?" Haru frowned. "That's my bed."

"Well, technically it belongs to Haru's body, doesn't it? When you're sleeping you're not even conscious of it, so it's more about your body than about your mind," Rin shrugged.

Haru just blinked. He didn't think it was the right time to be joking, but he couldn't believe Rin was using that argument seriously.

"You can have the futon over there," he replied pointing at the rolled futon next to his wardrobe.

"Tsk, Haru..." Rin mumbled, standing up and retrieving the futon from the corner.

Both laid down in silence, not sure if there was something they could really say to make the situation seem less bad.

In spite of their agitation, they felt drained, and they managed to sleep for about twenty minutes.

When they woke up, nothing had changed.

"Haru, I'm still you," Rin's defeated voice reached Haru from the futon on the floor.

"I know," Haru replied because he didn't know what else he could say.

"What do we do now?" Rin asked, sitting down.

"I think we should stay together here all day and make some more research. There must be _something_ we can do," Haru mused.

Rin shook his head. "I can't stay here all day. Or, to be more precise, _you in my body_ can't stay here all day," he said, averting his eyes.

"Why?" Haru asked in surprise. It was true that they argued a lot lately and the perspective of spending the whole day on their own was not appealing, but it wasn't hell, either, right?

"Because two days ago it was my mum's birthday and she was waiting for Gou and me to come home to celebrate with us. We just came back from Tokyo yesterday and I had dinner here with our friends! I can't say I won't be around today, I promised" he stated in a tone that left no room for discussion.

"You're going to break your promise anyway," Haru reasoned. " _You_ are not going to be there."

"Haru, please. I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important for her... and for me," he begged.

"Ok," Haru sighed. Rin's mother would never know her son didn't keep his word. "What do I have to do?"

"Thanks, Haru," Rin smiled and, to Haru's surprised, he hugged him. "You don't have to do anything special. My mum and Gou will do most of the talking anyway, and if they ask something about Tokyo, you know my routines quite well! It will be fine," Rin said. He seemed confident that it would work, and that in turn made Haru feel better.

"Fine, but call me at some point so that I can take a break from impersonating you, alright?" Haru demanded.

"Yes, yes, now leave or they will notice you're not home," Rin said pushing Haru towards the door.

They said goodbye and Haru left, wondering if he could really deceive Rin's family.

….

When Haru got to Rin's place, he realised he didn't have the keys. Fortunately, it was already late enough for Rin's family to be up.

Haru knocked on the door and Gou opened it.

"Brother? Are you coming back now from your morning run?" she asked, frowning at her watch.

Haru knew that Rin usually went for a run at 6.00am, but now it was well past 11.00am.

"Ye-yeah," he cleared his throat. "I left later than usual and then I bumped into an acquaintance," he explained, trying to sound convincing.

"Oh, ok," Gou shrugged. "Have a shower and then come to help us in the kitchen," she added with her back already turned to him.

Haru froze at the entrance. A shower? In Rin's body? He hadn't even thought of such a thing until that moment.

He had seen Rin naked many times in the locker room, but lathering up his whole body was an entirely different matter.

Hoping that none of the women noticed the blush he could feel in the sudden heat in his cheeks, he toed off his shoes quickly and went straight to Rin's bedroom.

He knew he could skip the shower or wash only his hair so that they would think he had showered but decided against it.

Avoiding the shower when he clearly needed one -he had been sweating all night, after all- meant making a big deal of something that shouldn't be.

And Haru definitely _didn't want to make a big deal of it_.

He looked for a towel in Rin's wardrobe and ventured out of the room.

Once he got into the bathroom, he took off his clothes as fast as he could and he jumped into the shower, making a conscious effort to avoid looking _down_.

He didn't really want to see Rin's junk while he rubbed it with the soap.

He did a fairly good job at convincing himself that the mere idea of touching such a part of Rin's anatomy hadn't sent a shiver down his spine, and not exactly in disgust.

His fingers ran down Rin's surprisingly soft skin -and when had he dropped the damn sponge?

He lathered up Rin's chest and had to suppress a moan when his hand brushed his nipple. Oh, so Rin was sensitive there.

That was unexpected, and Haru felt the need to save up that information. For what, he didn't know.

It was strange to experience all those physical sensations knowing that they were Rin's reactions to someone touching him.

The skin getting goosebumps, the lips letting out small sighs, the crazy heartbeat... All that was Rin's, but the conscious mind that was choosing to touch him _so very slowly_ , eliciting all those reactions, was Haru's.

The body he was inhabiting was heating up in a way that had nothing to do with the hot water. Alarmed by the thoughts that were starting to fill his mind, he opened the cold water tap.

He let the freezing spray wash away his thoughts and any traces of his touch that could remain on Rin's skin.

For the first time in his life, he didn't feel comfortable under the water. He wondered if the uneasiness was due to the fact that he was in Rin's body, but he immediately disregarded it. Rin felt the water as much as him.

Blaming the negative feeling on how awkward it was to wash Rin body, he tried to finish as soon as possible.

He got dressed at the speed of light and went to the kitchen to join Rin's mum and sister.

The smell of whatever they were cooking was mouth-watering. Of course, he wouldn't dare hope to be lucky enough to have mackerel, but, contrary to popular belief, he _liked_ other kinds of food and he would be grateful for any meal the Matsuokas offered him.

"He-hello," he greeted when he finally saw Mrs Matsuoka.

Even though he genuinely liked Rin's mother, he hadn't been around her very often, so he was a bit nervous. Even if he knew he was supposed to be Rin, he didn't really know how Rin behaved around his mum when they were on their own.

"Hello, Rin," Miyako said, patting him on the shoulder. "Did you sleep well?" she smiled.

"Ah, yes, thank you," Haru replied, hoping that he didn't sound too formal.

"Good!" Gou chimed in. "You were in such a bad mood yesterday, I thought you would spend the night tossing and turning."

"Was I?" Haru couldn't stop himself from asking, because that surprised him. He knew Rin hadn't been exactly happy when he had left his house, but he didn't expect his anger to last until he got home.

"Were you not?" Gou asked back. "You certainly seemed angry..." she said, looking dubious.

Haru didn't know what to say because he had no idea about what Rin had done the previous night that had made his sister believe he was upset. He was trying to come up with something to say that could work as an ambiguous enough reply, but his musings were interrupted by a touch on his shin.

He looked down. A fat, old cat was rubbing against his leg.

"Steve!" Gou exclaimed, seemingly surprised. "What's with you today?" she laughed, crouching to pet the animal.

Haru remembered then that Rin often complained about how his mum's cat hated his guts and used to hiss at him or ignore him altogether.

However, good ol' Steve seemed to have a liking for Haru. Haru was alright with it; he liked animals, after all. But it meant his charade was going to start out on the wrong foot.

It was better to get away from the cat as soon as possible.

"Can I give you a hand?" he asked Miyako, who was whisking some eggs.

"Not here, but you could go to the shop to pick up a cake I ordered yesterday," she replied taking her eyes away from the bowl only for a second.

"What shop?" he asked, realising a second too late that perhaps the real Rin _would know_ what shop she was referring to.

"Ichiraku. I know you like the... cakes there," she grinned. There was something in her smile that Haru could only describe as naughty.

Haru gulped. He had no idea where Ichiraku was, but Rin obviously did, if his mum's comment was anything to go by.

"Ok," he said trying to sound nonchalant. He would find his way to the shop once he was out.

He grabbed a jacket and got out of the house, making sure that Rin's mother and sister were too busy to notice which way he headed to.

Then, he took out his phone and made a quick search of the location. Fortunately, it wasn't too far, which was a relief, since he didn't know Rin's neighbourhood that well.

It only took him ten minutes to find the place, a cosy-looking patisserie with a shop window that would make Nagisa go wild.

When he got in the shop, there were two customers before him.

Haru entertained himself studying a map of Rin's neighbourhood in case his mother sent him to run more errands.

"Matsuoka-kun!" a young female voice called him from the counter.

Haru looked up from his phone and realised that it was his turn. He approached the counter and stole a glance at the woman's name tag.

'Megumi Orihara'

"Hello," he greeted.

"Long time no see," Megumi smiled. "I didn't know you were in town," she added, and Haru had the impression that she was holding back a pout.

"Ah, I just came back yesterday," he replied, wondering if Rin was supposed to let that woman know he was back.

"You look good," she purred, leaning slightly on the counter.

Haru froze. Was she flirting with him? No, not him. Was she flirting with Rin?

Haru didn't know whether he should flirt back or not. He had no idea what the relationship between Rin and Megumi Orihara was.

An unpleasant feeling settled as a lump in his stomach.

"Tha-thank you," he said, assuming that was a safe response. "You too," he added because he felt that might be the right thing to say in such a situation.

Megumi giggled and Haru decided he wanted to leave Ichiraku as soon as possible.

He cleared his throat. "I came to pick up a cake for my mother."

"Ah, yes, wait for a second," she said, disappearing inside a room on the back. "Here it is," she reappeared some minutes later, carrying a pink box. "She already paid for it yesterday," she explained.

"Oh, I see," Haru said relieved, as he had just realised that he didn't know if Rin's wallet in the left pocket of his jacket had any money. "Thanks so much. Have a good day" he turned to leave.

"You too, Matsuoka-kun," she purred again. "Come back to see me soon..."

Hearing the flirty tone of her voice, Haru didn't dare to turn around to see the kind of expression she was making.

Once he was out of the shop, he was hit by a memory. Miyako Matsuoka's naughty grin when she had said Rin liked... the cakes in Ichiraku.

Suddenly, the possible existence of a romantic relationship between Rin and that woman felt very real.

Haru _didn't like it_. He just shook his head in a childish attempt AT getting rid of those thoughts. He didn't even know why it bothered him.

It probably had to do with the fact that Rin was always pestering him about how Haru should stay focused on swimming.

It annoyed Haru that Rin seemed so demanding about what Haru should do but then was fooling around with some random girl.

He got back to Rin's house in a bad mood, but he tried to hide it the best way he could.

"I'm home," he said going directly to the kitchen and leaving the cake next to the sink.

"Welcome back," Miyako greeted. Haru noticed the way she was turning her left cheek towards him, getting nearer. Was she expecting a kiss?

Haru gave her a quick kiss, secretly amused by the idea that Rin was the kind of man who would still kiss his mum hello at their age.

"Did you see Megumi-chan?" Miyako asked.

Haru saw Gou rolling her eyes.

"Yes, she was there," Haru replied with a shrug. 

Miyako just laughed softly. "Help Gou set the table," she said, carefully taking the cake out of the box and placing it on a tray.

Gou handed him three bowls and three sets of chopsticks while she carried a big bowl of salad.

Once they were done, Gou nudged him on the ribs without much strength and when their eyes met, she nodded at the corridor discreetly.

He followed her out of the room and leaned forward when she started to whisper in a conspiratorial voice. "I already have my present hidden in the sideboard we agreed on," she said pointing at the room they had just left. "Where is yours? Didn't we say we would give them to her after the meal? Just go and get it!" she ordered.

It was funny to hear her trying to shout and speak in a low voice at the same time. The situation was far from amusing, though.

"I'm sorry," he gulped. "I'll bring it," he whispered, turning around.

"Hey," Gou called him, "what did you get her?" she asked with a smile.

"Ah... You'll see," Haru replied, and then he winked because that's something he thought Rin might do.

He ran to his room dialling his own number at the same time.

"Hello," Rin greeted at the other end of the line. "Tired of my life already?" he joked.

"Where is your mum's present?" Haru asked closing the bedroom door behind him.

"What?" Rin asked caught off guard.

"The present! Where is it? Gou says you agreed on hiding it in a sideboard!" Haru pressed.

"Damn, I forgot!" Rin exclaimed. "It's in my wardrobe. There is a shelf with cardboard boxes. Find the red one, it's there," he explained.

"Ok, bye," Haru hanged up before Rin could say goodbye.

He opened the wardrobe and examined the shelf. He could see the red box under some folded T-shirts and next to a blue, plastic box.

"Rin!" he heard Gou's voice coming from the corridor, obviously trying to hurry him.

in his haste to retrieve the box, he grabbed the edge and pulled.

Immediately, the pile of T-shirts and the blue box fell to the floor.

"Shit," Haru murmured. He didn't have time for that. He decided that he would put it all in its place after lunch.

He opened the box and took out a little package wrapped in bright purple paper.

He ran out of the room again and shook the package slightly so that Gou could see he had it. Then, he opened the sideboard door discreetly and slid it in.

Gou smiled at him.

"Ok, here we go!" Miyako announced with a huge grin that reminded Haru of Rin's brightest smile.

She was carrying a big try with roast beef and potatoes.

She laid it on the table almost reverently. It was clear to Haru that she had put so much love and effort into that dish.

They sat at the table and Miyako cleared her throat.

"I'm so happy that you two are here today to celebrate," she started. "You are adults with your own lives now and you are wonderful, and your father would be so..." her voice broke and she couldn't finish the sentence.

That brought it home to Haru how difficult it must have been for that woman to raise two kids on her own after her husband's tragic death.

"Mum..." Gou said, putting her hand over Miyako's.

Haru wondered what Rin would do in such a situation. He had the feeling that, if there was a moment in which his impersonation had to be perfect, it was probably that one.

"We will always be here for you," he said. He felt a lump forming in his throat, and he wondered if the feeling was born from Rin or from himself.

"Ok, ok," Miyako said, "I just wanted to say thank you and to tell you how proud I am," she finished, her eyes bright with emotion. "And now, let's eat!" she waved her hand.

She started to serve the salad from the bowl, giving Haru an extra amount.

"You always say you need to eat healthy, right?" she smiled.

"Yeah, but you don't need t-" he started to say. He didn't want her to give him any special treatment.

"It's alright, Rin, it's not a bother," she shook her head fondly. "I know how important it is for you to be careful about your diet. Today is a special occasion, but we can have some healthy food too, right?"

"Don't pretend you are alright with anything, big brother," Gou winked. "You care soooo much about your diet, you're obsessed" she rolled her eyes.

Haru was pretty sure that, even if Gou had no ill-intention, Rin would try to defend himself.

"I'm not obsessed," he said. "Diet is important for professional swimmers, but that doesn't mean I'm overconcerned about it," he finished.

"Oh, please. Weren't you upset yesterday because Nanase-kun was hellbent on eating his usual dish of mackerel even though you had spent a long time looking for an extra healthy mackerel recipe?" she asked, waving her fork in the air.

Haru froze. Rin had been pestering him about his choice of eating mackerel for dinner. Haru had snapped at him. He didn't understand why Rin couldn't just accept that Haru wasn't so obsessed with his diet as he was and he didn't see a problem in eating mackerel day in day out. It hadn't been detrimental for his health or his performance so far.

But Rin hadn't mentioned anything about an extra healthy mackerel recipe. Truth be told, Haru hadn't given him the chance. The moment Rin had opened his mouth to say Haru couldn't eat the same every day, Haru had gone into defensive mode claiming that it wasn't Rin's business.

They had continued arguing while Haru cooked his fish, and the quarrel had only ended when he had grabbed his plate and had gone to the living-room.

Haru felt awful because of Gou's words. Rin just wanted to do something that he thought was good for Haru while respecting Haru's preference for mackerel and Haru hadn't even listened to him.

"Rin?" Miyako's concerned voice brought him back to reality.

"Ah, sorry," he mumbled.

"Why are you spacing out?" Gou asked. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you by bringing it up again," she apologised.

"It's alright," he tried to smile. "I'm fine now, it wasn't a big deal," he shrugged.

Gou didn't seem convinced, but she dropped the topic.

The rest of the meal went by in a pleasant atmosphere that Haru enjoyed. Just like Rin had foreseen, Gou and Miyako did most of the talking, and he knew enough about Rin's life in Tokyo to talk about it confidently if the conversation focused on him.

After lunch, Gou got up from the table and opened the sideboard where the presents were hidden.

She got behind Miyako and, leaning forward, she kissed her on the cheek.

"Happy birthday, mum," she smiled, handing Miyako her present, a dark green envelope with golden letters.

"Thanks, darling," Miyako said, opening the envelope.

Gou took advantage of her distraction to give Haru the purple box so that he could give it to Miyako herself.

"Oh, Gou," Miyako sighed. In the envelope, there were two tickets for one of the best onsen in the region.

"You can invite whoever you want," Gou said.

"I'll think about it," Miyako replied, but the smile she offered her daughter made it quite clear who her companion would be.

"Happy birthday, mum," Haru said, giving Miyako the box.

She unwrapped it carefully and opened the lid.

Inside, there was a fine gold chain with a round object that Haru couldn't see very well but looked like a ring.

At first, Miyako just stared at the object, but soon tears started to well up in her eyes. He covered her mouth with her hands.

"Rin..." she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"What is it?" Gou asked peeking over her mum's shoulder.

"Your father's ring..." Miyako managed to say.

"Dad's ring?" Gou frowned.

"It's been such a long time..." Miyako started to explain, but she had to make a pause. "When your dad passed away and his body..." she swallowed," when his body was found, he was wearing his wedding ring. They asked me if I wanted to keep it, even though it was damaged because of the time spent in the water. At first, I thought I wanted it to be buried with him, but... I thought that keeping it with me was like having a part of him," she smiled as tears ran down her cheeks. "I took it to the jeweller's but they couldn't fix it. I have had it in a box in my room since then," she fixed her wet eyes in Haru. "How did you...?" she didn't finish the question, but Haru was sure there were many things she would like to ask.

_ 'How did you know it was there?' _ , _'When did you take it?'_ , _'How did you get it fixed? '._ Very legit questions for which Haru had no answer.

"It's a present, you don't need to know all the details," he smiled, placing his hand on Miyako's.

He felt weird touching Rin's mother in such an intimate way, but he believed that was something Rin would do.

"Thank you," Miyako smiled back. Then, she wiped away the tears from her face and opened the clasp.

Gou, who was still standing behind her, helped her to put on the necklace.

"It's beautiful," she murmured, looking at Haru with bright eyes.

"Well," Miyako clapped, "time to wash the dishes!" she stood up.

"It's alright, we can do it," Haru offered because it seemed like the right thing to do. Miyako had cooked most of the meal, after all.

"Thank you, dear, but there's no need to. The dishwasher will do it," she winked.

They cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen, talking about Gou's classes, Rin's upcoming competitions and Miyako's newly-found interest in gardening.

Haru felt that he was robbing Rin of those precious moments with his family, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Once the kitchen was completely clean, Miyako went out to buy some seeds that she wanted to plant that afternoon, leaving Gou and Haru alone.

Not sure of what to do, Haru sat on the sofa and turned on the TV. Hopefully, Gou would have to study and would retire to her room. He liked Gou, but the more time he spent around her, the more likely it was that she realised something was wrong with her big brother.

He was not that lucky.

"That was a great present, Rin," Gou said, sitting next to him and leaning her head on her hand.

"Thank you," Haru smiled. The fact that Gou used Rin's name probably meant that the necklace meant a lot to her, too.

At that moment, Haru felt proud of Rin for having the ability to surprise the people he loved with the most extraordinary things.

The gift also made him think about how present Toriachi Matsuoka was still in his son's heart. Rin didn't talk much about his father, but when he did, he was so full of love and admiration.

Rin was a bit too intense regarding their careers as swimmers, but when Haru thought about how important it was for him as a way to honour his dad's dream, he could understand it better.

"Hey," Gou said after a while, "are you really alright?" she asked.

"Yes, I am. Why wouldn't I?" Haru asked back, surprised.

"I don't know. You were really upset yesterday when you came home," she shrugged. "You always get like that when you argue with Nanase-kun," she clicked her tongue.

"Like what? Angry?" Haru asked, intrigued.

"Hurt," Gou replied without hesitation.

Haru just frowned, because he didn't know what to say. Gou could read his confused expression, but she misunderstood the reason behind it.

"Oh, don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about," she scolded him. "Whenever you argue with him about anything, you're always so upset."

"Well, isn't it normal to be upset if you argue with a friend?" Haru asked, trying to downplay the situation.

Gou huffed.

"It is," she conceded, "but at some point, you have to ask yourself if it is worth it to be around that person," she finished.

Haru felt his heart speed up. Was Gou _really_ advising Rin to end their friendship? The mere idea of Rin walking away from his life scared him to death.

"I thought you liked Haru?" Haru said, uncertainty clear in his voice.

"I do," Gou smiled, "but you are always talking about the things you want to do with him, you even have that notebook where you write all your plans, and then, what happens? You always end up angry because he rejects your suggestions and keeps acting as if you were annoying him!" she raised her voice and threw her hands in the air angrily.

Haru didn't know what to say to that and averted Gou's eyes. The thought of Rin planning things for them to do together had never crossed his mind. Mainly because Rin never said things like _'Haru, I have been thinking we could do...'_ showing that he had been giving much thought to the idea. He was the _'Haru, let's do...'_ type. Pushy. Imposing. And Haru didn't like that.

He hated it when Rin acted as if he was in possession of the absolute truth about how they had to manage their training or their diet. However, after hearing Gou talking about how hard Rin was trying to do things well, he realized that perhaps he had been judging him too harshly.

"Look," Gou sighed after seeing his reaction, "I'm not saying you should stop being friends with him, alright? What I mean is..." she looked around as if she was searching for the right words to say," I know that you have always wanted to live your dream hand in hand with Nanase-kun, but perhaps you should just focus on your own career and let him do things his way. He clearly doesn't want your help, and if you push him too hard, you'll end up suffering, and maybe ruining your friendship. Don't think too much about these things," she rubbed his arm in a soothing gesture that didn't make Haru feel any better.

Was he really being so difficult to deal with? Had he been too blind to see that the reason why Rin kept pestering him was that he was worried about one of them falling behind if they didn't try to move forward together?

"I will try to ta-" he was saying when his cell phone rang, his own name appearing on the screen.

"It's him," he announced, even though Gou had likely seen it already.

"Answer it," she smiled and focused her attention on the TV,

"Haru?" he said, standing up from the sofa.

"I imagine you are not alone or you wouldn't have called me Haru," Rin said as a greeting.

"Ah, no," Haru replied as he walked out of the living room, trying to reach Rin's bedroom as fast as he could.

"You told me to call you at some point so that you could take a break. If it's not a good time, I can call again later," Rin offered.

"No, no, it's fine," Haru said, closing Rin's door behind him. "I'm alone now," he announced.

"Good! So, how is it going? Are you alright?" Rin asked, concern showing in his voice.

"Yes, I'm fine. You were right, your sister and your mum were the ones talking most of the time and I could handle the conversation when it revolved around you," Haru explained with pride.

"I knew you could do it! I'm still sorry that you have to spend the day pretending to be me, though. This situation is definitely more tiring for you than for me," Rin apologised.

"It's not your fault," Haru reassured him.

"We still don't know what we're going to do," Rin said with a sigh.

"We'll figure it out," Haru replied trying to show confidence he didn't really feel. He had no idea what they could do. The thought was terrifying. "Hey," he said, trying to light up the mood, "that ring... It was awesome," he said.

"Oh my God, did she like it?!" Rin shouted, excitement dripping from every word.

"She loved it. I'm sorry you couldn't see her reaction. If I had known, I would have made a video or something," Haru mumbled.

"It's alright. If she liked it, that's all that matters. Thank you for playing my part," Rin said. "She has been waiting for this day for a long time," he added.

"She even ordered a cake," Haru laughed. And then, on an impulse, he asked, "by the way, who is that girl in Ichiraku shop?"

Rin coughed."Me-Megumi-san?" he asked, a certain tone of alarm tinging his voice.

"Yes, that one," Haru asked. He tried to sound amused, although he was feeling anything but.

"She's a girl my mum considers a perfect girlfriend for me," Rin groaned.

"I think Megumi-san agrees with her," Haru remarked, his tone harsher than he intended.

"I hope she didn't say anything inappropriate to you..." Rin sighed.

"No, don't worry," Haru said. It was clear Rin wanted to drop the topic, although Haru would have wanted to press a bit more to find out if Rin himself considered Megumi Orihara a perfect girlfriend for him. The fact that he wanted to know it so badly made him feel uncomfortable.

"What were you doing when I called?" Rin asked.

"I was watching TV with your sister. Your mum is out to do some shopping," Haru explained.

"Makoto called and said he would be coming over in a bit," Rin said. "I'm a bit worried that he will notice something," he admitted.

"It will be fine," Haru reassured him. "You know me well, you know Makoto well, and you know the way we act around each other," he shrugged, even though Rin couldn't see him.

"Yeah, that's what has me worried. I don't think I can do that weird telepathy thing," Rin chuckled.

Haru rolled his eyes.

"For the umpteenth time, we can't read each other's minds _literally_ ," he sighed. Their supposed telepathy had been a recurrent joke in their circle of friends for years.

"Ok, ok, don't get mad again," Rin said.

_ Again _ . Haru thought immediately of Gou's words. Rin felt he was always making Haru mad and felt bad about it. Knowing it hurt.

"No, I'm not mad, I'm sorry if I was too harsh," Haru said.

"Ok?" Rin said. He seemed somewhat surprised at Haru's apology, which made it all even more painful. Haru hadn't realised that things between them were _so_ bad.

"Hey, do you think you could come over with some excuse later today? Maybe when Makoto leaves?" he asked. He felt they needed to have a long conversation to work things out.

"Ah, yeah, I guess so," Rin replied.

"Haru?" Makoto's voice could be heard at the other end of the line.

"Makoto is here!" Rin said, panicking.

"It's alright, keep calm," Haru said. "If your family can buy that I am Rin, Makoto can buy that you are Haru."

"Ok, I'll see you later."

Rin hanged up. Haru just remained sitting on Rin's chair at his desk, wondering if he should just go back to the living room with Gou. In all honesty, he preferred to stay in the room and be on his own for a while. He didn't know for how long he would have to pretend to be Rin, so he would take advantage of any minute he could have for himself.

He stretched, suddenly feeling very tired. He crossed his arms on the table and leaned his head on them, but he wasn't comfortable. Something kept digging into his elbow in an unpleasant manner.

He raised his head. It was the spiral binder of a small notebook which was open.

Truth be told, it was not his intention to read anything, but, out of the corner of his eye, he saw his own name written in one of the visible pages.

He took the notebook and skimmed the text. On top of the page, he read 'Morning run with Haru on Saturday?', and immediately below that, there was a numbered list with the title 'If not': 1. Work-out session, 2. Shopping for new trunks, 3. Watching videos of famous races.

Haru leafed through the notebook. Most pages had lists similar to that one. It surely was the notebook Gou was referring to. Rin had planned a lot of things, and every suggestion was followed by a list of alternative options that Haru might prefer.

But what caught Haru's attention the most was the fact that not only were all the things related to swimming, but they were also things to do together. Rin wasn't making different lists for each of them. Those plans weren't just 'Suggestions for professional swimmers', but plans Rin wanted to do with a friend who loved swimming as much as him.

Normally, Haru got angry when Rin proposed things because he felt slightly _suffocated_. He felt Rin was making plans for him without even asking first and that annoyed him to no end. But now, he understood it was not the case.

Rin just wanted to do what he thought was best for them and he wanted them to do it together, and recently, the only thing Haru did was telling him to leave him be and do things his own way.

He closed the notebook with a sigh and stood up. He was tired and upset, and most of all, he was angry at himself.

He thought that taking a nap would help him feel better, or at least it would make time go by faster until Rin's arrival.

When he turned to the bed, he noticed that the T-shirts and the blue box he had dropped earlier were still on the floor.

He had totally forgotten about them, and he preferred to tidy all up before Rin came.

He took the T-shirts one by one and carefully folded them before placing them in the wardrobe again.

When he crouched to pick the box up, he accidentally hit the lid with his knee, and the moment he lifted the box, the lid fell to the floor.

'Damn,' he thought, leaving the uncovered box on the floor again. He was about to put the lid back on when he saw it.

An envelope with his name and his address written on it.

It was the typical white envelope with a red-and-blue stripe around the edge that was used for air mail.

And it was open.

Haru took it out of the box. Under it, there was another one. And under that one, another. All of them were open, and it was clear there was something inside.

There was a stack of letters from Rin addressed to him, and there was none around.

Deep inside, Haru knew that he _shouldn't_ do it. Rin had never sent those letters, so maybe he didn't want Haru to read them.

On the other hand, he hadn't destroyed them, either. It would have been so easy to get rid of them, and yet he had kept them for who knew how long.

And besides, weren't those letters addressed to him, even if he never got them?

He thought of the extraordinary situation he was in. He was holding some letter addressed to _him_ which had been written by the same hands that were holding them now and were not his own.

He sighed. Rin didn't send the letters, so Haru wouldn't read them.

However, something inside him kept pushing him to do it. There was a tiny voice in the back of his head -which sounded suspiciously like Nagisa's- telling him that it was fate that he had found those letters.

Only an extraordinary kind of magic serendipity could make him live Rin's life for a while and drop a hidden box which was accidentally opened and which turned out to be full of messages for him.

It felt as if some sort of supernatural power had led him to that moment, to that place.

He took the carefully folded paper out of the first envelope.

The first thing that caught his attention was the date. The letter had been written the first year Rin spent in Australia after high school.

He checked the dates in the rest of the letters, placing all of them around him and ordering them chronologically, from the oldest one to the most recent.

Then, he took the first one with inexplicably trembling hands and he started to read.

_ Dear Haru, _

_ How are you? I hope you are doing fine! _

_ I promised that this time I would keep in touch, so here I am! I know what you are thinking, we talk via Skype and we text each other, but, well, last time I was here I wanted to write a letter to you and I never did, so... _

Oh, what a liar. Haru knew that Rin DID write a letter to him when he was in Australia as a kid. He just didn't have the courage to send it to him and sent it to Yamazaki instead.

He shook his head and continued reading.

_ Life in Sydney is quite alright. I have my own apartment and I can go running to the swimming pool every day. Are you running and working on your training out of the water or do you spend all the time in the pool? _

_ Training here is going great, my coach is very demanding, but the hard work is already paying off. My times are already improving! Knowing you, you'll probably roll your eyes and think I'm exaggerating, but I swear I can feel I'm becoming better each day. _

_ To be honest, I thought it would feel weird to spend so much time in a new pool, but somehow, I feel really comfortable here. _

_ You know, something very strange happened the other day. It's difficult to explain, but the moment I dived into the pool, I could feel you right next to me. It sounds crazy, but I could sense your presence and I swear... Haru, I swear, when I hit the wall and removed my goggles, I turned to the lane next to mine and I was totally expecting to see you there, looking back at me. _

Haru stopped there. Rin said it sounded crazy, but Haru had experienced _exactly the same thing_ the first time he swam in college.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest when he focused on the letter again.

_ And you know, I think that feeling you there with me really made me do my best. I mean, I was going to try hard anyway, but I wanted to make a good impression and I was very nervous, and I think that somehow you 'presence' pushed me forwards and helped me swim in a way I wouldn't have been able to do on my own... _

_ I'm really curious about how you are doing, not only with training but also with your studies. It's hard, but we will get there. Haru, let's do our best, ok? _

_ Cheers! _

_ Rin _

Haru left the letter on the floor, not knowing very well how to feel about it. Why had Rin written that letter if he wasn't going to send it?

He took the second letter, which had been written some weeks after the first one.

_ Dear Haru, _

_ How are you? I wanted to write to you before, but I lost the letter I had written and then I just kept postponing it and... well, I'm sorry. _

_ I'm alright, training is great, I got a new coach. His name is Mikhail Makarovich. He's a bit eccentric and his obsession with muscles rivals Gou's, but he is really good and I'm learning a lot of things. _

_ By the way, some days ago a Japanese guy came looking for Mikhail because he wanted him to be his coach. Mikhail refused, but I got the chance of chatting with the guy and it turned out he knows you! _

_ His name is Natsuya Kirishima, and he's... intense. We went to dine together and when he mentioned Iwatobi, I asked him if he knew you, and it turned out he did, and quite well at that! What a small world, right? _

_ And talking about coincidences, you wouldn't believe where he was staying... The Russell Hotel! Damn, I would have asked him if he was in room 25 too if he hadn't been so drunk... _

_ You know, the first thing I did when I got home after dropping him there was taking out my phone and looking for your number. I wanted to phone you and tell you... To be honest, I'm not even sure what I wanted to tell you. Maybe that I'm looking forward to swimming with you again, or that I think that we should talk about the time when you quit swimming because I feel there are things about that time that we haven't said out loud. Or perhaps I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. _

_ But whatever it was, I decided to wait and tell you next time we see each other. _

_ Anyway, how are things going for you? I hope everything is alright! _

_ Maybe we can talk in Skype soon, ok? _

_ Take care, Haru! _

_ Rin _

Haru just stared at the paper for several seconds, fighting the urge to re-read some of the things Rin had written.

Rin was looking forward to swimming with him. He wanted to have a serious talk about the past. He missed him. _He missed him_.

He felt his cheeks heating up. It was strange for Rin to admit something so embarrassing in such a direct way.

Perhaps that was the reason why Rin hadn't sent that letter, after all. Just like he hadn't sent the first one, even though he hadn't lost it as he claimed.

His still-trembling hands reached for the third letter.

_ Dear Haru, _

_ How are you? I'm sorry I haven't written before. I have been very busy with training, that Mikhail I told you about on the phone is so demanding! I can't complain, because he's really good, but at the end of the day, I get home so tired! The other day I fell asleep while I was making dinner. I just sat down for a bit to wait for the water to boil and when I opened my eyes, the kitchen was a mess! _

_ How is your training going with that new coach? Ryuuji Azuma, right? I confess I was surprised when you said you had hired someone because you have always been so... well, free. But it makes me happy that you are being so disciplined about your training. I'm really proud of you, Haru. _

_ Makoto phoned me the other day. He wanted to ask how Sousuke's injury is going. I know they are in touch, so I guess he just thought that Sousuke wouldn't want to talk about it if things were going wrong. Anyway, he told me that you met Albert Wahlander, the Swedish swimmer, and you two had hit it off from the start. _

_ He said something about it being due to the fact that you two like mackerel. Honestly, Haru, it's always so hard to make you open up and then this guy comes and eats mackerel with you and you are already buddies? It took you such a long time for you to show me a face that wasn't a pout and then you're all smiles with that man after just one meal!  _

_ Ok, I don't really get it, but do what you want. I guess it's good that you're making new friends. _

_ I hope we can talk soon if you're not too busy with that Wahlander. _

_ Take care, _

_ Rin. _

Haru blinked, and blinked, and blinked again, as if by doing that he could somehow comprehend the meaning of the strange letter he had just read.

First, Rin lied saying he hadn't had the time to write to him. Haru knew he had written at least to letters before that one. Then he was so nice telling Haru the kitchen anecdote. He asked about his training and everything seemed fine. He even said he was proud of Haru -again, Rin was surprisingly frank in his letters.

And suddenly, out of the blue, he brought up Albert and for some reason he seemed genuinely pissed about Haru's friendship with the Swedish swimmer. Even the pen marks on the paper seemed thicker as if Rin had been pressing the pen more strongly against the surface while writing that part. What bothered him so much about Albert, Haru didn't know. 

And then, an abrupt, seemingly annoyed goodbye.

Haru rubbed his face. Those mysterious letters were going to give him a migraine.

He sighed and took the fourth one, knowing that he wouldn't be able to stop reading even if he wanted to. The date showed Rin had written it just a couple of days after returning to Australia after the All Japan Invitational.

_ Dear Haru, _

_ How are you? I guess you are surprised to get this letter now because we have just been together in Japan, but I really wanted to write to you. _

_ To be honest, I'm a bit surprised myself because I don't even know why I need to write to you so badly. It was great to see you and the others, and I had so much fun. We had the chance to be together and chat and... _

_ Ah, I don't know, Haru. I'm just feeling that even though we were together just some days ago, I'm already missing you and it's driving me crazy. _

_ All the things we did, the car trip... I feel we opened up to each other in a way we hadn't done before and, since then, I feel... weird whenever I think about you. _

_ It's like, it was one of the conversations in which we've told each other more things about ourselves, and yet at the same time, I feel it's the conversation in which more words have remained unspoken. _

_ I have the constant feeling that I should have said something that I didn't say and, honestly, I don't know if I'm losing my head or what but I just need to talk to you and hear from you. _

_ I hope you are not freaked out because of this, ok? But if you are, just let me know. I don't want any more misunderstandings between us, Haru. _

_ I hope we can speak on the phone soon. Or via Skype. I'd love to see your face. _

_ I'm looking forward to hearing from you. _

_ Take care, _

_ Rin _

Ok, that was the strangest letter so far. Rin didn't tell him anything about his return to Australia, he didn't even mention anything irrelevant like what was the weather like.

It was basically a letter telling Haru that he wanted to see him and that he missed him in such an intense way that it felt insane.

If Haru didn't know better, he would think that those words were suspiciously similar to some sort of confession.

He closed his eyes and breathed slowly several times to try to gather his thoughts.

Should he continue reading? Well, obviously not, since that was a blatant violation of Rin's privacy, a fact that was easier to ignore when the letters were not so intense.

His mind kept telling him that he still could stop and pretend he hadn't seen anything, yet his fingers were already opening the fifth letter and his heart was doing somersaults at the perspective of reading more beautiful words from Rin addressed to him.

_ Dear Haru,  _

_ I don't even know why I keep writing letters that I know I will never have the courage to send. _

_ I know I should stop trying to fool myself into thinking that these are just ordinary 'how-are-you?' letters but, well, you know me, I'm the king of self-deception, right? _

_ Today I visited Russell and Lori. They are doing fine, and that makes me really happy. They were the only good thing I got from my first time in Australia. _

_ They asked about you and send you their greetings. They are happy that you are doing so well. For some reason, when I mentioned how great it had been to meet you in Tokyo, Lori brought up the way I used to compliment your swimming and your beautiful blue eyes. And then she winked (don't ask me why because I have no idea.) _

_ Anyway, after having lunch with them, I've gone to the beach. I was just sitting there, looking at the ocean, and Lori's words about your eyes kept playing in my head. I kept seeing your eyes in that clear, blue water, which is not really that surprising because I see your eyes or your face or your smile in every beautiful thing I come across. _

_ Whenever I see something pretty, I immediately think of you. I guess you must be thinking that I'm some sort of weirdo, but I'm already getting used to the feeling of having you in my head all the time. _

_ I'm kind of mad at myself for taking so long to figure out why I was feeling that way, and now that I know, I'm still too much of a coward to write it. I hope one day I will have the courage to do it. And to tell you to your face. _

_ I wish you were here. _

_ Rin _

Haru felt his cheeks burning. If the previous letter was not a confession, this one _definitely_ was. It was painful to think that Rin had been bottling up all those feelings inside. And Haru had been so oblivious.

He read several letters more, and all of them were the same. Rin asked him how he was, he mentioned something anodyne, like the weather or something that some neighbour had said or done, he told Haru briefly about his training and then he randomly dropped something deep and beautiful that made Haru blush like a maiden.

_ 'I dreamed of you tonight. I cried when I woke up and realised you were not here,' _ said one letter.

_ 'I had a very shitty day yesterday, with horrible times and an argument with a teammate, but getting your text message when I got home brightened my day. You are always the light in my darkest hours,' _ claimed another.

_ 'When I was coming home tonight, I saw a couple sitting on a bench, holding hands and kissing under the light of the streetlamp. It made me think of you. Of us,' _ Rin confessed in another.

_ 'A girl from the women team asked me out today. I thought of you and I told her I was already dating someone. I hope you don't mind. I know that's not the relationship we have, but that's the closest to the truth that I could say.' _

_ 'I heard a song today about a person who is in love with another but cannot be with them. It was so romantic, Haru. I imagined myself singing it to you. You would smile and sing back to me with your beautiful voice... Ah, I know I'm so cheesy, but it made me so emotional to think about us singing love songs to each other!' _

_ 'I'm counting the days to see you again. If I told you I'm thinking of moving to Tokyo, would you realise that the main reason is being close to you? Would you be happy about it?' _

One of the last letters made Haru's hands tremble in such a violent way that he almost dropped the paper.

_ I'm finally brave enough to tell you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

There were at least thirty lines repeating those words.

Haru didn't know how to feel. Saying that he was overwhelmed would be the understatement of the century.

He kept re-reading that letter again and again. At some point in their lives, Rin had been in love with him and had poured all his feelings in letters addressed to him, even though he never sent them.

What was the purpose of writing all that, then? What was the point in expressing all those feelings if they didn't reach Haru? Why did Rin feel he needed to muster the courage to say 'I love you' if _he wasn't really going to say it anyway_?

He reached for a new letter, one that Rin had written shortly after the 'I love you' missive, but he paused at the sound of the doorbell. Should he go to the door? It would be awkward if it was a friend of Rin's mum or sister and he didn't even know them. Thankfully, he heard footsteps and voices. Someone had already answered.

He resumed his task, and completely forgot about the unknown newcomer until he heard Miyako's voice just out of the room's door saying 'he's inside' and _his own voice_ saying 'thank you' and then soft footsteps were walking away and the door was opening and it was just _too late_ to pretend that he hadn't spent most of the evening reading letters that he shouldn't have been reading.

Haru had always been known for his stoic demeanour, and he didn't even know that he was able to make such a shocked expression until he saw himself at the door of Rin's room, panic distorting his features, a furious red dying his pale face.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rin roared in Haru's voice, launching himself at Haru to take him away from the paper mass that surrounded him with the same strength and determination he would use if he wanted to take him away from a busy road when he was about to get hit by a truck.

"No-nothing!" Haru squealed because of the impact.

For a second, he thought Rin was going to hit him. Stupidly, he mused on the fact that he was probably a bit weaker than Rin, so it wouldn't hurt as much as if his friend was hitting him in his own body.

But the punch never came. Rin just fell to his knees, slouching his shoulders and lowering his head.

"You weren't supposed to know..." he murmured.

"Rin, what is all this?" Haru asked, leaning forward to try to get a glimpse of the other's face.

"Those are letters that I never meant to send," Rin replied in a voice so low that Haru had to make an effort to hear it.

"But, why? All of them are addressed to me..." Haru asked again, desperately trying to understand the existence of such letters.

"Why, you ask? Isn't it obvious?" Rin snorted. Haru didn't like the sound.

"I don't get it," Haru admitted, lowering his own head.

"Oh, Haru..." Rin sighed. "Oblivious as always, aren't you?" he rubbed his face.

"I don't care if you make fun of me, but please, explain this," Haru begged.

Rin sighed again and finally, he raised his head. Blue eyes pierced Haru's soul. He looked so sad.

"I just wanted to write a letter to you because when I was in Australia, I was too embarrass to do it. Well, actually, I wrote one, but after I re-read it, I thought it was super cheesy and I ended up sending it to Sousuke. He will never let me hear the end of it, by the way. Anyway, I wrote the first letter, but then I was embarrassed about that thing I mentioned, that I felt you in the water," he looked away from Haru, trying to hide his blush.

"There was nothing wrong with that," Haru said. He decided not to mention he had felt the same, as he didn't want Rin to think he was just saying that to make him feel better.

"I felt embarrassed and that was more than enough for me," Rin replied, stubborn as always.

"Ok, ok" Haru sighed. "And then, what?"

"And then, it happened again. I started to write a normal letter but then, somehow, I started to talk about missing you and wanting to see you... I just couldn't send you that. Some time later, I got a call from Makoto telling me that you had been blown away by Albert Wahlander and I swear I wanted to write just a regular letter, but the more I wrote, the angrier I got about that and I just poured it all on the paper. I realised that what I wrote was so mean and I didn't want to send something like that," Rin lowered his head, ashamed.

"I noticed that you didn't like Albert, yes, but I really don't get why you were so angry," Haru said. His question was implicit.

"Because I was jealous!" Rin shouted, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation.

For the umpteenth time that day, Haru didn't know how to reply. The content of those letters had made Rin's feelings very clear, and the only reason why Haru kept asking was that he needed to hear Rin say it.

Because Haru didn't dare to ask. He didn't have the courage to ask Rin if all the things he had written were true or if he had just 'gone through a phase' in which he was misunderstanding his own feelings for Haru.

Rin looked down, averting Haru's eyes. The trembling of his shoulders told Haru that he was crying. He looked so defeated that Haru couldn't take it anymore. It was ok if Rin didn't say it again. He wouldn't press.

But he still had one more question.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, stretching his hand towards Rin to lift his chin. He stopped midway.

"How could I tell you? Would you tell a male friend of you that you are in unrequited love with him?" Rin let out a humourless laugh, furiously wiping his eyes and covering his mouth with his hands.

Haru pondered over Rin's question for a moment. Rin's muffled sobs were the only sound in the room.

Indeed, in their society, it was not easy for a man to tell another man that he harboured romantic feelings for him.

Haru thought about Megumi Orihara, the girl Miyako Matsuoka wanted as a daughter-in-law. Society expected Rin to like her. Nobody wanted him to like Haru. Rin knew that, and he certainly believed Haru would be disgusted by his feelings.

Yet Haru felt nothing of the sort. He wasn't disgusted by Rin's feelings. If he was honest with himself, he was more upset by the idea of those feelings being directed at miss Orihara.

"Who said it's unrequited?" he asked, grabbing Rin's face and forcing him to look at him. He ran his thumb through Rin's lips, forgetting for a second that they were his own.

He wondered if such a sudden boldness was a side-effect of being in Rin's body or if he had always had it him to act in such a way if the situation asked for it.

"Haru, don't mess with me!" Rin shouted after recovering from the initial shock. "It's not funny!" he puhshed Haru's hand away from his face.

"I'm not joking!" Haru shouted in turn, grabbing Rin's arm and pulling him to his chest.

"Haru... Haru, you don't know what you're saying, you're just going with the flow. Would you have _ever_ think about such a thing if you hadn't found those letters?" he asked.

"Yes," Haru replied, making sure that Rin didn't avert his eyes. It was strange, he thought, how he knew he was looking into his own eyes, his own face, and yet _Rin_ was all he was seeing.

"No, you wou-" Rin protested, but Haru effectively shushed him by pressing his fingers against his lips.

"You know, something happened to me today," he started. "I had a shower, and I liked it," he looked at Rin intently, hoping that Rin would understand what he meant without Haru having to spell it out for him. Being caught reading Rin's secret letters had been mortifying enough already, thank you very much.

Alas, Rin didn't seem to get the message.

"And? You love being in touch with water, what does have to do with anything?" he asked, puzzlement written all over his face.

"So you're going to make me say it..." Haru sighed.

"I'm not going to make you say anything," Rin protested. "It's you who seem to think you have some feelings to prove," he frowned.

"Ok, then, here I go. I've enjoyed having a shower in your body because it has allowed me to touch you. Yes, I've loved having my hands all over your bare skin. Happy now?" Haru said, crossing his arms over his chest and fighting the urge to pout.

He couldn't believe he had said such a thing out loud. Then again, he had always done things for Rin that he didn't even know he was able to do.

"Are you saying... that you are attracted to me?" Rin questioned, his voice uncertain.

"I am attracted to you," Haru replied. He didn't know how he could act so confident regarding some feelings whose existence he had just acknowledged, but there he was, trying to make Rin understand how much he loved him.

"That's flattering, Haru, really, but it's not the same," Rin said, his eyes soft and his smile vulnerable.

"Just let me finish," Haru pleaded. "I'm attracted to you, yes, but it's not only that. Today, I've had many chances of seeing a side of you that has made me realise certain things I hadn't even noticed before. Like how much I hate the idea of you going out with someone else, like that Megumi Orihara, and how much I love the way you care about the people that are important to you. And that includes me, even though I clearly can't appreciate it the way I should," he said. Putting his feelings into words was much more difficult than he expected.

"Haru, I don\- I..." Rin stuttered. 

But Haru wasn't done. There was one more thing he wanted to say.

"When your mum took the ring out of the box today, two things crossed my mind. The first one was that your heart is truly special. Doing something like that for your mother... You really are precious, Rin," Haru smiled.

Rin blushed and his lips formed the words 'thank you.' Then, he looked Haru in the eye.

"And the other thing?" he asked after clearing throat.

"The other thing is that I realised I wanted us to have that kind of relationship that can transcend time and space. A love that not even death can kill," he said, doing his best to sound mature and confident, but failing miserably when the pink on his cheeks betrayed him. 

"Haru," Rin looked at him with wide blue eyes and covered his mouth.

"Rin," Haru replied, taking the other's hand.

And suddenly, for the first time since he had entered the room, Rin smiled.

And then he laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and tackled Haru to the floor and laughed again.

Haru was sure his facial muscles had never worked so much.

"Ah, Haru," Rin said, wiping away new tears that this time came from so much laughing, "I think that being in my body is seriously affecting your thinking. I never thought I would hear you say something soooooo cheesy!!" he cackled.

"It could be, yes," Haru said, feeling the corner of his lips moving upwards. It was good that he could blame his corny line on their strange body switch.

Once Rin calmed down, he cleared his throat.

"Are you serious, Haru?" he asked, searching Haru's eyes.

"I've never been more serious in my whole life," Haru replied because it was the truth.

Rin leaned forward, lips slightly parted and cheeks turning pinker with every inch he moved closer to Haru.

"Rin, wait," Haru moved away shaking his head.

"Oh, sorry," Rin rubbed his neck awkwardly. "I thought you wanted..." he looked hurt.

"I do want to" Haru reassured him, "but..."

"But what?" Rin asked. His voice didn't sound demanding, just curious.

"When I kiss you for the first time, I want to do it with my own lips," he said, averting his eyes in a poor attempt at hiding his embarrassment.

Experiencing Rin's sensations when he had touched his body in the shower had been exciting, and besides, now he knew some _things_ about what Rin enjoyed.

But kissing the love of your life for the first time was a whole different level of _special_.

Haru had never been kissed. Perhaps he had always been waiting for Rin.

He wouldn't mind waiting for a bit longer.

The first time they kissed, Haru wanted to experience _his own sensations_ through his own lips.

"I get what you mean," Rin said, "I was just going with the flow, but you're right. I don't want anyone else kissing Haruka Nanase's lips. Not even Haruka Nanase himself," he smiled leaning forward again to press their foreheads together and putting his hand on Haru's chest. "My heart is beating like crazy," he closed his eyes.

"So is mine," Haru replied, He didn't even need to touch the other's chest to know it.

"Let's put this way, shall we," Rin said, starting to collect the letters around them to put them in the box again.

"Can I keep them?" Haru asked looking at the box.

Rin remained quiet for several seconds. Haru waited. He didn't want to have them if that upseted Rin.

"Yes, you can," Rin finally sighed. "They were written for you, after all," he blushed.

"Thank you," Haru replied. 

"Haru," Rin said after a while. "I'm really sorry."

"What?" Haru asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "What are you apologising for?"

"I talked to Makoto today. He brought up the argument we had last night. He kept saying things like 'Rin only wants what is best for you' and 'You shouldn't get angry about that'. I didn't know what to say, because, well, to be honest, I've never understood why you get so mad..." Rin said, his last words almost a whisper.

"Rin, I..." Haru started to apologise too, but Rin wasn't done.

"Then, Makoto said 'I know you sometimes feel that if you can't do things your way, you won't enjoy swimming'. And that... that was the key. Haru, I never thought for a second that you felt I was trying to change your way of facing professional swimming. I know you take it very seriously, but you also need to feel free. I'm sorry, Haru. I will stop pestering you about what you decide to do," Rin lowered his head.

"I'm sorry, too," Haru said. "I talked to your sister today and she mentioned how upset you got after our arguments because you only wanted to help me and I made you feel you were a nuisance," Haru explained, ashamed. "It's true that, sometimes, I'm scared of feeling trapped in a world with so many rules and demands, but it's not your fault and I shouldn't act as if it was," he took Rin's hand.

"Haru, why couldn't we just say all this to each other? You had to hear it from Gou and I had to hear it from Makoto. We really have to work on our communication skills if we're going to be a couple," Rin said, examining his fingernails, acting nonchalantly, as if he hadn't just asked Haru out indirectly.

Haru knew better.

"Yes," he said.

"Yes to what?" Rin asked, unable to hide his anxiety.

"Yes, I want us to be a couple," Haru smiled.

Rin smiled, but then his face turned dead serious.

"We still don't know how we're going to fix this..." he said, gesturing between them.

"I think we have had enough emotions for a day," Haru replied. "We'll do some research tomorrow," he reassured Rin.

A soft knock on the door interrupted their conversation.

"Come in!" Rin said out of habit, covering his mouth in horror when he realised that it had been Haru's voice the one which had answered.

Miyako didn't seem to notice, though, as she was wearing a perfectly calm smile when she opened the door.

"Nanase-kun," she said, looking at Rin, who still looked a bit mortified, "are you staying for dinner?"

"Ah, thank you very much, but I can't," he replied. "I already have plans."

Rin had plans? What plans? With whom?

"Oh, that's a shame," Miyako said. "Well, you're staying in Iwatobi for some days, just like Rin, right? So please, come some other day," she smiled softly.

"I will, thank you," Rin smiled back, and then he laid his eyes on Miyako's necklace. She was wearing the ring Haru had given her some hours before.

Miyako noticed his stare, but she didn't look uncomfortable. On the contrary, she looked proud.

"It's my husband's ring," she explained, unaware of the fact that the person she was talking to knew very well what it was and what it meant to her. "Rin found a jewellery workshop where they fixed it and gave it to me as a present," she smiled at Haru, thinking that he was her son.

Haru felt bad. Such a loving smile should have been directed at the other person in the room, not to him.

"It's beautiful," Rin said, making an effort to stop his voice from breaking. His eyes were getting bright.

Rin had been waiting for a long time to see his mother wearing that.

"Thank you," Miyako replied, gently touching the ring. "Ok, I'll leave you alone, then," she said, closing the door behind her.

"Ah, I should be going to," Rin said.

"What plans do you have?" Haru asked, straight to the point.

"That was a lie. I just don't want to stay because the longer I'm around, the more likely I am to make a mistake and do something stupid, like calling my mother 'mum' or something similar," Rin explained.

Haru understood. It was difficult for him to pretend to be Rin, but if Rin stayed, he would have to pretend that he _wasn't_ Rin, which was probably even more complicated.

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow, then," Haru said.

He accompanied Rin to the door, with a brief stop in the kitchen to say goodbye to Miyako and Gou.

"Call me as soon as you wake up," Rin said while pressing Haru's hand lightly.

"I will," Haru promised.

Once Rin was gone, Haru joined the women in the kitchen and helped them with dinner, trying his best not to blush or smile like a fool whenever Gou mentioned how good it was that he had made up with Nanase-kun and how his eyes had changed after his visit.

Later, in Rin's bedroom, he opened the box again and laid in the bed, re-reading all the love confessions that Rin had been writing for months.

He got asleep with a smile on his face.

….

Haru had the impression that he hadn't been sleeping for too long when the ringtone of his phone woke him up.

_ His _ phone.

He sat in his bed so fast that he got dizzy and he had to wait for some seconds before standing up.

By the time he found the device, it had stopped ringing.

He opened the curtains and sighed relieved when the light entered and lit his own room.

The alarm clock on his nightstand showed that it was nearly 10 in the morning.

Haru didn't remember sleeping that well in months. Unlike the previous night, which had been hell, last night had been completely peaceful.

He wondered if it had to do with the fact that the previous night he had been 'moving' to a different body and last night he was coming back home.

And then, a sudden thought crossed his mind. Had he really been living in Rin's body for a whole day or had it all been a dream?

It made sense, right? People couldn't go around swapping bodies. It was stupid.

His heart sank. If it had been a dream, then it meant he had never found Rin's letters -maybe Rin had never written those letters, to begin with- and they hadn't confessed their feelings for each other.

Perhaps in the real world, Rin didn't love him.

The mere thought terrified him. Whether it had been a dream or reality, what had happened had made Haru realised two things: one, their arguments were pointless and they had to stop, and two, he was madly in love with Rin, and that was an epiphany that had shaken his whole world.

Even if the events of the previous night had been a dream, he now understood that his problems with Rin could be easily solved with a sincere conversation. And he wanted to have it as soon as possible.

He would have time to worry about his newly-found romantic feelings later.

He took his phone, which he had abandoned on the bed after failing at answering on time, and found that he had a missed call from Rin.

He pressed the 'Return call' button while he fought the temptation of getting his hopes up.

"Haru?" Rin's excited voice answered at the third tone.

"Hello, Rin. I'm sorry I couldn't find my phone in time to answer," Haru said, not sure of how he could bring up the topic.

"I'm me!" Rin shouted, his voice bright with glee.

Haru shallowed. So it hadn't been a dream. Rin's love for him was real. Thank God. If it had been a dream, Haru didn't know how he would be able to move on with his life after experiencing how it felt to be loved by Rin and then having it stolen.

"Haru, hey, Haruuuuu, are you there?" Rin asked, bringing Haru back to earth.

The only thing Haru wanted to do was kissing Rin.

He switched the call to hands-free.

"Ah, yeah, sorry, I'm just, this is pretty shocking, isn't it?" he said, putting on his trousers and a T-shirt he thought made him look good.

"Fuck yeah!" Rin laughed. "Honestly, I was sick worried... But now everything is back to normal. We have to celebrate!" he exclaimed.

"Can I go to your place?" Haru asked, taking advantage of Rin suggestion and hoping that he wouldn't sound too obvious.

"I'm already on my way to yours," Rin replied, and Haru could almost feel the sweet smile in his voice.

"Where are you?" Haru asked. "We can meet halfway," he offered, running out of his room.

He was reaching for his jacket when a knock on his front door made him stop.

He opened immediately, already smiling because he had felt the other's presence even before he touched the doorknob.

"Hello, handsome," Rin greeted with a wink.

"You just say that because you had this body yesterday," Haru rolled his eyes.

Rin just chuckled and pushed Haru slightly, a clear sign that he wanted them to get in the house already.

Haru was more than happy to oblige him.

Rin was toeing off his shoes, and he was moving too slowly for Haru's liking.

"Rin," he said to attract the other's attention.

"Hm?" Rin said absent-mindedly, unaware of Haru's inner turmoil.

Never the talkative type, Haru grasped the collar of Rin's jacket and pulled him closer.

"I finally have my lips back," he just said, looking into Rin's eyes, which looked brighter and redder than ever.

"I have my body back," Rin smiled, "but my heart is yours."

Haru closed the distance between them, crashing their lips together.

Rin tasted just like Haru expected, which surprised him since he had never realised he _expected_ Rin to taste like anything.

Haru was aware of the fact that the kiss was nothing spectacular. It was just a chaste touch of lips. It was clumsy. It was rushed. It was timid.

It was _perfect_.

"So," he started, reluctantly removing his lips from Rin's, "was it worth it to wait for a night?" he asked. He knew it hadn't been a really good kiss, but waiting had been worth it for him, and he could only hope Rin felt the same way.

"Haru," Rin said, cupping his face in his warm hands, "it has been worth it to wait for five years," he beamed, leaning forward for another peck. "For you, I would have waited forever."

"Well, you don't have to wait any more. I'm finally right where I should be," Haru replied, and he knew that, in Rin's arms, he had found the place where he truly belonged.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language and I don't have a beta, and I didn't have much time for editing, so I'm really sorry for any mistakes I've made.
> 
> Thanks so much to the lovely Muse for her advise :)


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